Am I Enough?
I often hear the mantra "You are enough". I hear it as something that is meant to be encouraging and somehow we can be enough just the way we are. We've somehow convinced ourselves that we are enough just because we should or want to be. I'm not sure exactly how that works exactly. How can we just speak something into existence or just will something to happen. What if you've been believing you should be enough only to continue to be disappointed in yourself when you breakdown. Well, I am here to tell you that enough is something I have never been able to be. I am constantly recognizing my weaknesses, doubts, and failures. How could I possibly be enough with all of my inconsistencies?
I have learned over the years that showing your emotions and/or telling others how you feel is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and courage. It’s easy to hide away and push down our feelings, but it takes courage to share how we really feel and why we feel the way we feel. And just because I feel a certain way doesn’t mean that feeling is truth. There have been many times in my life when my feelings about something were incorrect and/or confused. If I always went off of my feelings I would be living a very lonely, broken life full of regret, shame, and inadequacy. Once again, not enough.
I am a pretty high capacity worker. I can get a lot done in a short amount of time and when I really put my mind to something I can do some pretty great things. I have taken pride in my ability to do that over the years but when I can't seem to do it all it often leaves me feeling like I should be able to do everything. Then I end up feeling anxious or stressed about it and I feel like I'm letting others down. When others tell me I'm a superhero or a rock star I want to say that it may appear that way but I may be stressing about it behind closed doors.
Here's the reality: I am not enough because I was never meant to be enough. The pressure I put on myself or others put on me to be perfect or able to do whatever I set my mind to is just not real. I may want to be a mother, photographer, worship leader, advocate, singer, recording artist, wife, friend, cook, baker, ministry leader, etc., but there is just no way that I can do all of those things. I can’t be everything everywhere all at once. I wasn’t made for that! And often it means I am giving a very small portion of myself in a lot of different areas instead of my best self in only a couple of areas.
Here's another reality: I was made to rely on a God who IS ABLE and WHO IS ENOUGH. This doesn't mean I can somehow magically do all of the things I wanted to do, BUT it helps me prioritize well and recognize that some things just are not worth stressing about. I have also learned in my years that when I set my sight on God and his perfect plan that sometimes the things I want change. Sometimes the desires of my heart change and I have new desires welling up inside. Sometimes he takes the desires of my heart and multiplies them in a thousand ways because I was obedient to let some of my other desires go.
The heart wants what the heart wants is a phrase that is just so fleeting and the heart changes it's mind A LOT. It sounds romantic but what the heart wants is not always good, noble, right and true. Sometimes what the heart wants is mean, cruel, angry, and selfish. And in those moments when I am listening to the lies that my heart is telling me I need people in my life to call me out. My heart has a long way to go and if I let it decide my fate it is going to let me down.
Wisdom and patience are things we should admire. Wisdom doesn’t come from following your heart and patience doesn't usually come from following your heart. Nobility doesn’t come from choosing your way every time. Strength doesn’t come from believing lies, but believing the truth in spite of the lies around you. I want to be a strong and wise woman of noble character. I want to be a woman who does the right thing even when it’s the hard thing. I want to be a woman who doesn’t let her feelings cloud the truth of who she is or who God made her to be. I want to be a woman who speaks up when there is wrongdoing and speak truth in love. I want to be a woman who trusts that even when things don’t go my way that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way. I want to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. And trust me, those weren’t always the desires of my heart.
Don’t believe the lie that you are enough. That is a weight that you were never meant to carry. That is a pressure that you were never meant to withstand. Instead, take the pressure off and hand over the weight. Let your life be one of freedom standing in truth with a God who is enough and can be enough in your place. Lean in. Take a breath. Recognize that you are asking so many questions where there is already an answer. Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life.
"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 1 Corinthians 12:9